Patreon – Fund me… If you wanna?

Patreon is something I have known of for a very long time now. For those of you who haven’t heard of it, it’s a website that allows content creators (of any kind) to be funded by their audience if they want to, having them pay a certain amount to them each month to help fund their creative living and goals.

To me this idea has always seem half amazing and half stingy… I didn’t know if I was ‘good enough’ or ‘working hard enough’ to earn the right to ask people outright for money. I would think of the idea for a fleeting moment and then shrug it off by reminding myself that I don’t create things for money; I do it for my own creative outlet and the payment of others happiness from viewing and experiencing my content is enough.

Now, this is still very much the case. However I have recently been trying to set a more scheduled ‘work flow’ for my YouTube videos, gameplay live streaming and other things relating my YagmanX community as I often seem to be hoarded with so many ideas surrounding it but can never find the time to make it happen. However, I’ve noticed that I’m finding it hard to prioritise this as much as I so desperately want to. There are many reasons why this is (University being an obvious major point) but one main one is simply money. However much I insist I don’t care about it, I need it. If I find a job offer or get an email about a business meeting that could lead to a potential job then, even though I may not fully want to, I have to drop what I’m doing and go for it! I have to research for that certain job instead of work on a cool idea for a next video, I have to travel to the workplace instead of travel to events that could benefit YagmanX.

This might be coming off as moany. I hope it’s not. I’m so grateful that I have what I have and I’ve worked so hard for it so it’s so refreshing to see my reach growing, to read lovely comments and to receive such positive motivation from the online community. But I want to do more, I want to have more time to put more effort into what I love and giving you all the best that I can! To get more time it would be nice for me to not have to worry about money as much to fund my university studies and living, it would be nice for me to finally stop hoarding my ideas to myself and have them become rusty in a forgotten part of my memory.

I guess I just need to put my hands up and say: Yes, a little help would be lovely thank you.

So maybe Patreon wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all? It could make all the difference! It could mean more videos, better quality, being able to comply with the content you ask to see more of, more interactive creations, more time to spend communicating with you all. Or it might just make no difference at all. But I guess that’s all up to you. I’ve had so many lovely emails asking for a way to show their gratitude, which still baffles me! So perhaps this way it would be beneficial for all of us 🙂

Anyway, I’ve set one up. Yup, my own Patreon account.

If you have as little as $1 a month to give then it would mean the world to me and you would help me towards my dream for making more content, more frequently and at even better quality! There are even some perks for those who do want to make a donation 😉

However, if you can’t afford to or simply don’t want to then honestly, it’s perfectly fine and I totally understand. Just being involved with my content is enough to make me happy so thank you!


Part of A World I Can’t Understand

As I sat in my university room, stressing over deadlines to meet and work to be completed I scrolled through Twitter and saw of a decision that I had thought to be simply illogical. A debate that had been talked about for the past week, that had called for marches and gatherings all around the UK, that had been the forefront of every social media website and newspaper article that I had looked at. Of course I’m talking about the decision for the UK to bomb Syria. I realised then that my worries of a university deadline were obsolete; there is much more going on in the world that worries me far more than a late essay hand-in.

Fallout-Vault-Boy-SadThis debate had been playing on my mind for the past couple of days, keeping me up at night as I scrolled through feeds full of the videos from Syrian survivors, articles of the atrocities that have been happening all over the world; what they have done to us, and what we are about to do to them. Playing Fallout 4 I can’t help but push back the worry of living in a post-apocalyptic world, because nobody can know what the future truly holds and war never changes. Becoming excited about the new Star Wars film I am reminded of the Rebel Alliance who fight so valiantly against the Galactic Empire, and if our world was like that of Star Wars then which side is which?

Of course, this is the real world, not some game or movie franchise. But that’s exactly it. This is real life. Real lives are in real danger and we can’t simply blame good or evil because in all honestly things are never quite black and white.

I’d like to say now that I am naive. I do not know everything about what went on in the House of Commons, I have not heard the details of both sides of the debate. I am still relatively young, and well, I guess I am known to be a bit of an optimistic dreamer.

But I just don’t understand how a decision like this has been made. No, I’m not talking about the decision itself as, to be honest, I don’t want to go too far into that debate for the reasons stated above and the obvious notion that I don’t want to anger or upset anyone who may disagree with what I have to say. I’m talking about the way that the decision has been made and who it has been made by.

As I scroll through Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Medium, the list goes on, I see countless pleas against such an important and life-changing decision in the form of debates, articles, videos, status’, etc. People are crying out for their country to hear them but the only ones who get to make the decisions cannot be reached. How can we do such an act in the name of our beloved country when it seems that the majority of people living here are against such act? Do we get a say in how we should be handling our worldly matters?

In any situation; be it a creative project, a career change, a marriage proposal, a fresh perspective from persons outside of the involved situation is always a positive one. In fact it’s even encouraged! So where is the fresh perspective when making a decision as dire as this? I cannot simply sit back and let somebody else make a decision on behalf of this country when I believe it will not benefit anybody, not the opposition or even ourselves. My opinion is my own and my reasonings are ones that I understand might not line up in the same way as others so I do not wish to shun or disgruntle anyone who thinks otherwise, I can respect a healthy debate and other opinions. I just want to understand how this has happened and how the UK citizens, those who live and work hard to live within our own country can become a part of this debate.

Should we be expected to just sit back and carry on with our lives? Should I just pick up my pen and carry on with my university studies without giving another worry toward this situation now the decision has been set in stone? I simply cannot. I sit within the walls of a warm house with a fridge filled with food and my family a comfortable phone call away and it pains me to know that I should be blissfully ignorant within my ‘safe haven’ of what atrocities are really happening within this world of mine, of ours. I suppose I should feel lucky. But I have a burning desire within me to help those less fortunate that is always held down under a pot of fear that’s constantly teetering on edge ready to douse the flames.

But despite this, I do want to help. I want my opinion to be heard; to be taken into account. Doesn’t everyone?

We need our opinions to be heard so that we can help. Because people need help.

Have a cat to lighten the mood

Have a cat to lighten the mood

I’m not too sure how to end this rant. I just needed to write this all out to calm my racing thoughts and to perhaps see if others feel the same. I wish it were as simple as me just pulling my warm duvet over my head and forgetting today, or any other day happened. But I can’t and I mustn’t because as I said; people need help. I can’t help if I’m hidden.

On a lighter note, this is why I love YouTube and all of the wonderful community surrounding YagmanX, together perhaps we can be a little louder and maybe one day be heard. Either that or we’ll gather enough folk to make the biggest and most badass space ship ever and maybe I’ll find somewhere that I can actually understand. With you all.

Thank you to everyone who supports me, it means the world to me (and as you can see I do really care about the world). I hope you’re all safe, well and happy.


My Future Goals- Film and Games (University)

It’s been a while since I have written a blog post here, for that I apologise. What’s my excuse? I’ve been sorting out my future, or at least attempting to figure out what sort of future I envision myself having. But I guess we never really know where we envision ourselves being in ‘5 years time’, so instead we just have to focus on what makes us happy and what we feel most passionate about.

Which has brought me to university! I had a lot of doubts about university, mainly because of how ridiculously expensive it has become but the more I thought about spending 3 years immersing myself in what I’m passionate about, developing my skills and emerging my own styles, I knew that I wanted to go. I still have such a yearning to learn, a thirst for knowledge that hasn’t been quenched yet! Not to mention the wonderful, creative people that I have already started to meet along the way!

Left to right- Chloe Debonnaire, Nicole Harman-Smith, Natalie Hodgins, Connor Albinson, Billie Williams

Left to right- Chloe Debonnaire, Nicole Harman-Smith, Natalie Hodgins, me, Tarald Tvedt, Sugini Nageswaran, Billie Williams, Connor Albinson

But, what knowledge do I hope to achieve through my 3 years at university?

Originally I was studying Digital Film and Screen Arts, with a strong passion for film in a new-age sense. Living in a world where reaching out to the other side of the world is just a keyboard click away I see the film medium as the best way to reach out to these people, through websites such as YouTube or Twitch we can easily reach out to one another, influencing and connecting with others lives through a screen and hopefully having a positive impact on them. This is the kind of film that I have a passion for; it’s the social side, the interactive nature, the communication and impact that happens around the video itself.

However, since starting the course I began noticing that the interactivity that I so craved to learn and innovate with does not reside within the film industry already and so cannot be taught by a film-based course. As it’s not the professional quality that I’m looking to delve further into, it’s the impact that I can have on viewers and the community that I can create through offering a more interactive and immersive experience with my videos.

I love games. I’ve always loved games. They offer what films never have, a chance to become the starring role; to become truly immersed in the narrative by developing emotional attachments with the in-game characters and ultimately controlling the flow, or even nowadays, the outcome of the narrative itself.

lava monster

Painted in photoshop

So perhaps I’ve been following the wrong route and instead of trying to bring new interactive elements into the already well-established film industry, I could take what I so love about film and bring it with me on my journey through understanding and experimenting with the interactive and immersive elements that are offered to me within the gaming industry.

Plus, being able to create 3D worlds, draw 2D characters and put them all together using object oriented programming to tell an immersive narrative is pretty darn cool!

If you would like to follow my progression within this Computer Game Arts course then follow my university blog:


Why I left London

I awoke groggy, alcohol still lingering in my system from last nights leaving drinks. Co-workers, senior management, ex-colleagues, all of whom I class as friends me andnaturewere there to give me the best send off by buying me endless drinks, recounting my first days at the company and eagerly questioning where my next adventure lays…

Reaching my usual London underground station, I pass the crowds of busy people, rushing to get to work and suddenly feel the urgency in my pace slow. This is the last time I’ll be here, going on this route to work. I look around me at the faces of strangers, tired eyes burning into phone screens and newspaper articles, and wonder: have I travelled with them before? Was I always in too much of a rush to notice? Why do they never look back at me? Why do we never speak? The tube pulls into the station and the all familiar uncomfortable shoving begins,  it seems us Londoners forgot what English folk are well known for; queuing.

My thoughts shift, showing a petite girl, timidly stepping aside for people to enter the tube, not wanting to be a part of the awkward intimacy that came with forcing herself onto the packed carriage. She held her head low, trying to hide the panic that she felt rising within herself. For a girl who used to be too scared to even talk to a sales person behind a counter, moving to London as the first time of living away from home was a BIG deal, one that would change me forever. I’ve come so far from being that timid girl, afraid of the sweaty confrontation within rush-hour on the London Underground.

So many times that girl wanted to escape London, to run from the stresses of a new environment, to run from the expectations of a fresh and fast-paced job role in the advertising world, to run from the loneliness of being in a city which held so many people who ironically were so distrusting and ignorant of one another as strangers.

Now, two years on from the timid girl who entered London for the first time, I have left. But I haven’t escaped. I left because of what London had taught me, how it moulded me, and I will never forget that.

What did it teach me?

London is filled with success. It’s a city that’s known for it’s opportunities, career-focused inhabitants, innovative events and luxurious life style. This is all true, although the life style is far from ‘luxurious’ if you can’t afford it. The most luxuries my house shares offered were the rare moments when the mice decided to move on to another home and the boiler worked for more than a few weeks, but that was all part of my character building. (Plus the mice were actually kinda cute.)

Coming from the laid-back seaside city of Plymouth, Londoners were the most ambitious people I had ever met and I couldn’t help but look at them in awe. From the ‘big-shots’ with their fancy job titles, to the creative ‘hipsters’ with a vision who seemed to simply have luck on their side, but always knew deep down what they were doing. secretcinemaIt’s true, Londoners might not seem like the most considerate and friendly of people when they’re rushing to their next conference meeting or in heavy thought over their next ‘big idea’; but these people know success, they’re surrounded by it every day! Within this lifestyle it is the norm to dream big and to work hard for it. Where else would you hear of a successful cereal café or an over-the-top cinema experience that makes you dress up and gives you roles before you even reach the event?

You’re probably wondering why I left such an inspiring city. But that’s just the thing, I don’t believe it’s the city, I believe it’s the mindset that makes these successes. The people I met in London are so positive about their visions and aren’t afraid to take chances and fail a few times before they get to where they envision themselves being. They simply won’t settle for anything less than their own aspirations.

That’s where moving comes into this. I may seem ‘successful’ to others by having a job as a Developer in a well-known advertising company and living in this fast-paced city that others only dream to live in; but that’s not my tree I have a need to travel, a longing to explore overgrown forests and jump into the chilly English waters, a want to embrace strangers and fill their lives with a little more joy. I have a dream to understand narrative, play with storytelling mediums and create things for myself; to work hard but with a passion and a love for the work that I produce.

Living in London has taught me to chase my dreams and never give up. That with hard work come great rewards. Leaving the city that opened my eyes to how attainable success really is was scary, and I’m still not 100% sure of where I will end up to obtain my goals; but I know that I can, and I know that I will. I’ll take this essence of London life and keep it with me throughout my life-long adventures.

I will not settle for anything less than my own aspirations. Nobody should. We are all worthy of success if we just believe it.